


Fractured

by ResidentAnchor



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Arguing, Arguments, Background Character Death, Bittersweet Ending, Divorce, Don't read if you don't like sad things, Falling In Love, Heartbreak, M/M, Marriage, Roses, Sad, Some Fluff, You can read it from the end to the beginning too, car crash, hints and mentions of intimacy, more like wink wink nudge nudge, off screen character death, only mentions of Patton
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-13
Updated: 2019-01-13
Packaged: 2019-10-09 15:43:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,090
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17409665
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ResidentAnchor/pseuds/ResidentAnchor
Summary: Roman and Logan were happily married for seven years. Well, for most of it anyway. To give the story a happy ending, let’s start at the end and work our way to the beginning…





	Fractured

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this for when I was on vacation but now I am back! DO NOT READ IF YOU DON'T LIKE SAD STORIES~

When Roman held open the door for him, Logan bit his tongue. He wasn’t quite sure what Roman was after, but he didn’t want to simply walk away from everything they had built at this point. He would have carried that weight with him forever, and he knew Roman felt the same way. **  
**

He ordered a small sandwich and a drink before sitting at a small table in the back. Roman joined once both their orders were ready, carrying both of their orders to the table. They sat down and simply talked. Logan was excited about his business trip, but Roman knew it was him trying to not focus on the flight he had to take. Logan loved the concept of flying in planes but did not enjoy them in practice.

Roman went on about his family and how he already had a job interview and a possible apartment already lined up. Logan was impressed, Roman usually rushed and did things last minute.

It felt familiar, simply sitting and talking about life. Logan felt comfortable as they sat silently, the opposite of when they were outside the courthouse. The awkwardness had lifted and they chatted as if everything had never happened.

“Logan, where did this go wrong?” Their eyes had met, the sadness reflecting back at one another. “Was it… was it something I did? I tried so hard, I really did.” Roman looked down and grabbed his bare ring finger. “What did I do wrong?”

Logan placed his hand on top of Roman’s, gripping it firmly as he spoke. “You did nothing wrong, Roman. Our lives are pulling us in different directions.” Roman smirked a bit, though it didn’t hold for long. “We were puzzle pieces that fit but the picture didn’t line up.”

“Poetic,” Roman sipped his overly sweetened coffee. “I have rubbed off on you.”

“Well, you can play a decent enough game of chess now, so I suppose I have been able to benefit you as well.”

Roman held his mug as he almost choked on his drink before grabbing a napkin. “Oh, so that’s how it’s going to be? Should I remind you of that painting I brought home and hung in the living room?”

“There’s nothing to understand about colors and shapes!” Roman threw back his head as he laughed, Logan huffing in his frustration before chuckling along. “You know, perhaps… maybe not at first, but perhaps we can keep in touch?”

Roman smiled and poked at his food with his fork. “You know? I’d really like that.”

—

“Well, that’s it.”

Roman turned away from the looming building and faced the man next to him. It was infuriating how well Logan Sanders looked even in stressful situations. His button-down shirt with the sleeves rolled up teased him as he adjusted his tie. Every hair on his head perfectly in place as it always was. Roman could see every reason he fell in love with this man seven years ago.

“Yes, I suppose so. I do hope you enjoy being a Prince once more.”

“Ha, of course, I will! Though Roman Sanders always did have a nice ring to it, Roman Prince is who I am meant to be, I suppose.” This certainly isn’t a future he had ever seen for himself, but by now Roman had come to accept his fate. “Though, I can’t say I won’t miss it.”

“Miss what, exactly?”

“Us.” Roman looked over and saw Logan close his eyes and frown. He rolled his eyes at the man in response. “Not like that, nerd. You can’t say the last seven years was a complete waste, now can you? Do you regret your choices that much?”

“No, I suppose not.” The air sat tensely for a moment, Roman trying to not look at Logan while he stared out at the busy street, cars zooming by. Wisps of air rushed passed, creating a gentle breeze. “Well, I must be off.”

Roman jumped and watched Logan turn and walk down the street. “Wait!” His heart jumped when Logan froze and turned, watching Roman curiously. The tense nervousness and Logan’s puzzled look as he tried to decipher his next move brought him back to when they had first met. “There’s this little cafe not far from here. Good food.”

“Roman, look-”

“Logan, I get it.” He took a step closer, looking down at the inch he held over the other. “We’re… I mean we just…” Roman ran both his hands through his hair and slumped in defeat. “You’re going to go to a hotel tonight. Tomorrow you go on that business trip and when you return…” He sighed and stared longingly at the man. “I will be up north with my family, completely moved out as promised. After today, we may never see each other again. Can’t we just… talk? One last time? As friends?”

—

“Let’s just get this over with.” Roman started walking up the stairs to the courthouse, ignoring his almost ex-husband who stood at the bottom of the stairs. Logan had that look he knew all too well. There was something on his mind, something he had wanted to say, but Roman was not in the mood for it.

“Roman-”

“No, Lo, we’re here to discuss things, put in the paperwork so I can change my name back, and leave.”

“Roman!” He stopped on the steps and looked over his shoulder down at the other. Logan huffed and pinched the bridge of his nose, his other hand still behind his back. “You stubborn fool, just… listen for a moment, alright?” Roman stood on the steps and crossed his arms as Logan made his way up after him. “I know you. I know you’re blaming yourself for how we got here so you’re lashing out because you have always had this inferiority complex I could never help you break.”

“W-well that’s just not true! I’m amazing!” Roman smiled but didn’t look at Logan as he spoke.

“Roman, listen. Just… I’m sorry this didn’t go like you had always dreamed. I know marrying me was never what you had envisioned and I really did try my best.”

Roman looked at his still-barely husband with a frown. “Logan, you were perfect. We both tried, but things just… don’t work sometimes.”

“I know you say that but I don’t think this has sunk into you quite yet. I’m afraid of how you’ll neglect yourself when it does.” He pulled his hand out from behind his back, holding up a beautiful red rose. “We tried our best and I will never regret taking the chance with you. Don’t forget that, okay?”

Roman carefully took the rose and stared at it, barely noticing Logan walking up the stairs passed him. His lip trembled until he bit it, breathing in deeply through his nose and wiping his sleeve on his eyes. “You nerdy jerk,” Roman mumbled, holding the rose close to his chest. “You always said you weren’t the romantic one.”

—

Logan’s leg was bouncing rapidly as he sat on the couch, the pile of papers on the coffee table. His cup of coffee sat cold and abandoned next to it as he waited in the quiet and dark of their home. Roman was late again as he glanced at the clock. The sun was almost gone and there had been no word from his husband. No text or call, nothing. He waited before asking what he wanted for dinner before giving up when he received no response. The tight ball of dread in his chest replaced his hunger anyway.

Logan had been almost ready to give up when the front door opened. His husband didn’t bother looking up as he took off his shoes at the door.

“Good evening, Roman.” He received a hum in response, which was more than he had been expecting. “I was starting to get worried. You hadn’t answered my texts.” This time he was met with a lack of response. “Are you hungry? I could cook something if you would like.”

“I ate before coming home. Figured you’d have taken care of yourself already.”

Roman immediately headed for the stairs, retreating to their bedroom to clean up and go straight to bed like he did every night. “Roman, if you would mind staying here for a moment? There’s something I would like to discuss with you.” His tone was calm and even, but his hands were trembling, shaking against his will.

Roman snorted and descended the stairs, leaning against the railing. “About what?”

“Well, you have been staying out late and ignoring my calls. You won’t talk to me and try to get away from me every chance you get.”

“Gosh, Logan, you’re so right. It’s all my fault.” Roman wrinkled his nose as he sneered. “Can I go to bed now? I’m tired.”

“I’m not–” Logan stopped himself and gathered his thoughts. He rehearsed this conversation a million times in his head, he couldn’t get emotional and get off track. “Look, it feels like you have a second life, one without me in it.”

“Oh, so what, you’re accusing me of cheating now?”

“What?” Logan’s eyebrows shot up to his hairline. “No, never! Despite your many faults, you would never do something so low as to cheat.”

“Many faults?!” Roman stomped forward a bit as he raised his voice. “Oh, please, do go on. Tell me how everything is bad because of me but you’re oh-so-perfect! You never talk, never share your feelings, and after I share mine you shut me down and say everything wrong with my life is because of me!”

“Roman, I want a divorce!”

Logan will never forget the look on his husband’s face when he heard those words. When he reeled back as if he was physically struck. When his eyes trailed down to the papers on the table, noticing them for the first time. When his eyes flickered back up, catching Logan’s as he tried but failed to hold back tears.  As Logan gasped in a sob as his eyes welled with tears far too quickly to react. Logan will never forget the feeling of Roman racing across the living room, holding him close and rocking him back and forth. Apologies would slip out from both sides and they would stay up all night talking. Trying to see what could be fixed, how they got that far, both holding onto the hope that this wasn’t the end for them.

—

“All I’m saying is perhaps before you come home hours late without a word, perhaps you should, I don’t know, tell your husband first?!”

“Oh, like you really care! The last time I was home late, all you cared about was the fact I forgot to bring home bread!”

“It was the one thing I asked of you!”

“I had a horrible day at work, sorry bread was more important than that!”

—

“Have you seen my blue shirt?”

“I believe it is still in the wash.”

“Logan, I told you I needed that shirt! It’s the nicest one I own and I have a meeting today at work!”

“I’m sorry, I hadn’t had time to finish the laundry-”

“Why do you always do this?! Nothing is ever your fault! Just take the blame for once-”

—

“Roman!”

—

_“Logan!”_

—

“Heeey, Lo,” Roman whispered softly as he carefully snuggled under the sheets. He wrapped his arm around his partner, snuggling in closer as Logan groaned. “Rough day?”

“Everyone is a moron except me.” Roman chuckled as Logan rolled over, snuggling into his husband’s chest and letting out a sigh of content. “Mm glad you’re home.”

“Sorry I was late. I’ll try not to do it too often.”

Roman leaned down and kissed Logan’s soft, tousled hair. “Just let me know when you do, mkay? I worry about you.”

“Of course.”

—

Logan looked down at his phone and sighed. The accident on the highway made him late for their weekly date nights. They hadn’t had one in a while and he was determined to not screw this one up, but something had always gotten in his way.

He opened the door and peeked in, reaching over to the light switch. The sign that it was dark inside was enough to know he had screwed up. “Roman? I’m sorry, there was traffic, and I should have pulled over and sent a quick text but I’m sorry I was super late.” The lights flickered on, revealing their living room, completely barren as he had seen it this morning. “Roman?”

He shut the door and removed his shoes before loosening his tie. He thought he saw something flicker from the doorway into the kitchen before heading in that direction. “Roman, I can not apologize enough. I’m so sorry-”

The sight before him shocked him to his core. His heart jumped at the sight, a smile quickly forming on his face.

Roman sat at the table, dishes put to the side. He was asleep on his arms, softly snoring as the candle on the table was melted down halfway. Logan was sure Roman had sat there and waited, the sight of how low the flame on the candle was made his heartache. He looked over and noticed dinner had been made but not plated, all wrapped in foil to keep warm. A vase with a bouquet of red roses sat on the counter that Logan couldn’t help but admire. Roman probably thought they would be a good addition to their date night, red roses always were a good sign for them.

He walked around the table and shook Roman’s shoulder, gently trying to stir him from his slumber. “Love, wake up. I’m home.”

“Mmm.” Roman blinked and looked up, a goofy smile appearing on his face as he leaned up and gave Logan a kiss on his cheek. “ _Mi amore_ , you’re back.”

“I do apologize, there was traffic and you know how I am about texting while driving. Even if I was at a standstill for a little bit.”

Roman didn’t care, grabbing his husband’s face and giving him a small peck on his lips, smiling as he did so. “You kept me waiting.”

“I did, and you made dinner.”

Roman wrapped his arms around Logan’s neck, pulling him down and into another kiss. “Who cares, it’s late. Let’s just skip dinner and go to the fun part of date night.”

“Roma-” he was cut off by another kiss, getting pulled in by this alluring man he had the honor of marrying. “Roman, three meals,” kiss “is important! We need,” kiss “to eat for energy.”

“Energy, you say? Perhaps I can spare a few minutes to eat then, before bed.”

“You just took a nap, if you’re really tired then perhaps simply dinner would do.” Roman pulled away and gave Logan an unamused look. “Oh. OH. I see.” He pushed his glasses up and leaned away, still in Roman’s arms. He tried to hide his blush but he knew even in the low candlelight, he had been caught. “I see, well. Yes, dinner first. Then you can share what you have planned for the rest of the evening.”

“I knew you’d see things my way.”

—

Roman dropped the box at his feet, glad it was just some of his many boxes of clothes. “There! All finished!”

“No, we still need to sort the boxes and unpack.” Logan walked by, moving a box toward the kitchen as he did so. “Then we need to return the moving truck before they close today. Luckily it was just your items we had to move in. I’m sure you’ll like it here, you pretty much live here already anyway. It will make those quiet nights less lonely.”

Roman rolled his eyes and watched Logan go on one of his organizing sprees. He was excited to move in and officially live with his husband now that his old apartment lease had finished. Of course, Logan was also excited to be living together, but also for the idea of sorting Roman’s stuff in with his own. He had a system apparently and despite the time they had been simply dating, Roman never did quite figure it out.

“I’ll return the truck while you organize. Then we can test the bed when I get back.”

“Roman, we both know that the bed is perfectly fine.”

“That’s not what I was referring to.” Logan stopped and looked over at Roman, catching his wink as he did so.

“Roman.” Logan placed down the box he was carrying and walked up to Roman, leaning in rather close. “I know exactly what you were referring to.” It was Roman’s turn to blush as Logan smirked triumphantly. “Now return the moving truck before they charge us an extra day.”

—

Roman stood in the doorway of Logan’s home as he glanced around. It was his first time seeing it since they were married and yet, it felt the same. He hadn’t seen it since before their honeymoon and nothing had changed in their absence. This was going to be their home together. He’d wait out his lease and slowly start moving things in. Then they could start new, together.

He held onto the three red roses he had brought, staring down at them. It was more tradition at this point. A red rose as a gift every time something big happened. It meant more than just an ‘I love you’. It was reassurance. ‘Everything will be okay.’ ‘I’m here.’

‘You’re not alone.’

Roman closed the door and stepped into the house, into his new life.

—

He was shaking. This was it. This was it this was it this was it. He was going to walk out there and marry his best friend. He was in a perfect suit in a perfect venue. Their families and friends were there, just outside and waiting for them. They had come along to support their futures together and…

And Logan was panicking.

“I’m not  _his_ soulmate, why am I doing this to myself?” Logan paced back and forth in his room. His few groomsmen had been kicked out when his mother showed up. All cousins or old friends. People he didn’t talk to much anymore.

“Sweetie, calm down. You love him, no? You’ll be fine.”

“He’ll regret marrying me, I know it. It won’t work out! It can’t work out.”

He felt his mother’s hands grip his arm and tug, stopping him in his tracks. She quickly wrapped her arms around him and pulled him in close. “Honey, no. Shhh, don’t think like that. Who cares if it doesn’t work out? Who cares if you don’t think you are each other’s soulmates? Right now, you love each other and you’re going to put in everything you are to make this work.”

“What if it doesn’t?”

“Shh, then do what I did.” She pulled back and brushed some of Logan’s hair out of his face. “Look at the universe, tell it that it is wrong, and prove it wrong completely out of spite.” Logan let out a breathy laugh and shook his head, allowing his mother to wipe away his tears with her perfectly manicured nails. “Look, you love him, right? And I know for a fact that Roman loves you.” She lifted his head up and smiled down at him. “That’s all that matters. That love? That will never go away. You have each other in your hearts, no matter what. But that doesn’t mean you’re doomed for failure. This could be your happy ending you never knew you were waiting for. Isn’t love enough?”

Logan smiled and wiped his eyes before adjusting his glasses. “You’re right, mama. Thank you.” He gave her a kiss and pulled back with a smile. “Now, I am very gay and I have a man to marry.”

“Not like that, you’re not. Come, we’ll get a wet cloth and clear those red eyes before you go walking down that aisle. I want to see Roman’s jaw drop so far, a bee flies into his mouth.”

—

“I’m sorry.” Roman sobbed into Logan’s shoulder, a position far too familiar with him. “I’m sorry. We–I was so sure I was ready and… and I can’t feel like I’m  _betraying him_. I’m so sorry. I don’t deserve you, why do you love me?”

Logan sat in silence, rubbing the back of the man he loved in an all too familiar conversation they had a few times too many. “Roman, my answer will never change. I love you. You are deserving of that love.  _He’d_ forgive you. I may have never known him, but he’d want you to find love again.”

“He would,” Roman’s voice was so strained and tired from his cries. “He really would. He wouldn’t care what happened, he’d want me to be happy, but why can’t I let go? I still love him, Logan. I always will love him and I can’t stop…”

Logan offered quiet hushes as he continued to rub the other’s back, much like his mother would do for him. “The one thing you taught me is that love is an infinite source. You love so much, Roman, I hate to see you hurt like this.” Roman pulled back and looked up, his face streaked with tears as his nose ran. Logan reached over for a tissue and started cleaning him up softly. “You can still love him and love someone else. That love you have for him isn’t going anywhere.”

“I don’t deserve you, Lo.”

“Quite the contrary.” He ran the tissue across Roman’s cheek gently. “You taught me how to love, and it would be my honor to give it to you.”

They sat in silence as Roman finally managed to catch his breath and calm down. He was still a total mess, exhausted and bloodshot eyes staring down at the tissue he fiddled with as he sniffled. “We’re getting married.”

“That we are.”

“I always thought… I always thought I wouldn’t get married. Not after everything,” Roman looked up at Logan and smiled. “And now I can’t picture not marrying you.”

“Yes well, the feeling is mutual, I suppose.”

A soft chuckle came from the broken man. “Dork.”

—

Roman’s hands shook as he stared down at the small box he had held onto for years. The box he bought for someone else. The box he buried away and never thought he would bring out into public again. The box he would never share with anyone else besides  _him_ …

The box he so, so desperately wanted to give to Logan.

Would this be okay? Would the universe forgive him? The man who had found and lost his true soulmate, or so he believed, wanting to love like that again. Perhaps… perhaps he was wrong. Or maybe he was given a second chance. It always felt like it, ever since he met Logan. That fate had told him it was okay to love again.

It was planned. Weekly date night so Logan wouldn’t get suspicious. He didn’t choose a rom-com. They weren’t doing anything extravagant. Nothing was out of place except for the single red rose Roman had hidden. It would be perfect, Logan wouldn’t expect a thing.

They’d eat, then sit down to watch the movie. Logan would comment on anything that didn’t line up, plot holes that made no sense. Roman would shush him and throw popcorn at him after a while. They’d snuggle up on the couch together and just as the movie ended, Roman would get up and throw away the trash as he ran to get the hidden box and rose.

He would walk back in, march up to Logan and…

Watch as Logan got down on one knee, hold out a red rose with a ring tied to the stem, and smile up at him so sheepishly as if Roman could say no to that face. They would laugh until they were gray and old as they retold the story. Perhaps to their kids if they were to adopt. Smiles on their faces staring down at their rings, the tale of the two red roses, the simple flower that meant so much.

—

Roman quietly slipped out of bed, reaching for his discarded clothes on the floor as silently as he could. He didn’t want to wake the other just yet, sneaking into the bathroom before heading to the kitchen.

Roman knew Logan’s place pretty well after dating him for a while, so he combed through all the cupboards and prepared to make an extravagant breakfast for the other. The night before replayed over and over in his head and Roman had to suppress his giddy laughter. Every part of him wanted to dance around and sing in excitement, but soft humming would have to do.

_He_ had taught Roman how to cook all those years ago back in their college days.

While Logan could cook a bit himself, it wasn’t quite up to the normal standard Roman had hoped. Too many steamed vegetables and not enough good old-fashioned pork and chicken. Logan ate too little if his matchstick figure hadn’t been evidence enough. Roman was glad he bought some food, cooking up bacon and frying eggs. Instant pancake mix would be good enough for now as Roman plated everything onto the table.

He wasn’t quite finished when Logan made his appearance. “Oh,” He blinked and looked around, his hair still a mess from the night before. “I was wondering what that smell was. This… is a lot.” Logan walked forward and Roman smirked, noticing his plain t-shirt was on backward. Eh, he’d notice soon enough. “Are we celebrating something?”

“Last night, of course.” Roman walked forward and grabbed Logan’s hands. “You trusted me so deeply. That is reason enough to celebrate, is it not?”

“Well.” Logan cleared his throat and looked away. “I suppose that makes this a red rose moment, does it not?”

“Oh, you’re right!” Roman pulled away and looked around frantically. He ran out of the room and Logan heard him rummaging around. He looked down and took care of the cooking, turning off the stovetop burners and removing the food from the heat so nothing would burn. Roman came running back in a few minutes later, a smile on his face. “Tada!”

He held up a piece of paper, a rose that was drawn rather well sat on the page, quickly colored in with one of Logan’s red pens. A red rose.

‘I trust you.’

—

Logan said it first.

He was freaking out. How did he say it first? It simply slipped out so casually, so naturally.

_“You’re lucky I love you, Roman, or else I’d have to kick you out for that comment.”_

They were at Logan’s, sitting and ignoring whatever was playing on tv. They were talking about everything. Complaining about work, this thing they saw the other day, Roman retold a story from that morning he had already told Logan about. They talked constantly, Logan finding even now his hand would twitch and want to reach for his phone despite the fact Roman was right next to him.

Then those words slipped out. He froze and looked over at Roman who looked up at him, lips barely parted in shock. He sat up, staring, making Logan feel very self-conscious as he fidgeted. Did he make a joke? Change the topic? Take it back? Could you take that back?

Then Roman was there, right in front of him, smiling so bright, the sun couldn’t compare. He leaned forward slightly, silently, the words on the tip of his tongue. Asking, begging pleading…

Logan surged forward, lips meeting in the heat of the moment, the rush making his head spin. He had kissed Roman before but this was different. The words he had just spoken made it taste sweeter, he could feel the words dance around and he could still taste them as Roman pulled back, licking his chapped lips. “I love you too, Logan.”

He hadn’t realized that even despite the kiss, he desperately needed to hear those words. He sighed in relief and pulled Roman down into another kiss, more intense with the passing moments. He heard something fall off the couch. The remote, a phone, he didn’t care, not as long as Roman was there, pressing him into the couch, each kiss hotter than the last.

—

It was a regular afternoon after work and all Roman wanted to do was plant himself on his couch and not move for hours until he had to sleep. He was exhausted, one thing after another pushing him to his breaking point. His phone chimed as he pushed the power button on his remote, digging for his phone.

Logan <3: Have you arrived home safely?

He rolled his eyes, lifting his arms up to type a response before letting them fall, leaving his phone to rest on his chest. The news blared back as he flipped the channel away to something less depressing. Automated laughter after commercial after advertisement rang out for a second as he flipped, trying to find something for him to mindlessly stare at.

His phone buzzed once more and Roman smirked, pausing his channel surfing to pick it up once more.

Logan <3: Answer your door

Three firm knocks followed as Roman stared at his phone, his heart jumping. He sat up quickly, taking a moment as his head spun, before walking over to the door. He slowly opened it and found his boyfriend standing on the other side at attention, his shoulders tense as he smirked.

“Logan?”

He nodded before holding up a brown paper bag. “You had a rough week so I thought you would enjoy some dinner.” Roman’s eyes stared at the bag as the smell of Chinese take-out slowly drifted toward him. “Ah, also…” Logan sheepishly held out a single red rose before smiling up. “I know this isn’t really one of those red rose moments you told me you used to do but… Thank you.” He smiled, offering the rose to his stunned boyfriend. “I know they’re meant for special moments but… telling me, you know, about  _him_. It must have been difficult to trust me with that.”

Roman carefully took the rose and glanced down at the bag for their dinner. He stared at it before looking at Logan, his eyes wide and speechless. He barely gave any warning before launching himself forward and wrapping his arms around the other, holding him as tight as he could. Logan jumped in surprise before returning the hug, smiling proudly and making sure to keep a good grip on the paper bag. He felt Roman shake, his breath wavering as Roman sniffled lightly. It wasn’t like when he had told him, he was holding together really well in comparison actually. Logan rubbed his back and stood on the doorstep, not willing to let go until Roman was ready.

—

“Happy one year anniversary.” Roman kissed Logan on the cheek. Logan smiled and looked down at the bouquet of red roses he had been gifted. “It felt like a red rose moment, you know?”

“Red rose moment?” Logan turned into his home to look for an appropriate place for his flowers. Such a beautiful gift should be left out for all to see, the smell wafting and grabbing the attention of anyone who entered his home. “What does a red rose moment entail, exactly?” He turned and saw Roman with an uncharacteristically intense look on his face. He was deep in thought if the frown and furrowed brow was any hint. “Roman?”

“It was his thing  _he_  liked to do. I…” Licking his lips, Roman looked up and smiled. “I’m ready to talk about him, Logan. I want you to know.”

“Roman, we’ve been over this. You don’t have to tell me now because of our anniversary, I can wait.”

“No. I want to tell you, you’ve been so wonderful and I-” Roman stopped and took a moment to breathe. “Just, let me tell you about him? I know I told you a little bit but… These roses were always his thing but it felt wrong continuing it without explaining.”

Logan gripped the roses tighter, careful of the thorns that threatened to poke through the plastic wrapping, before nodding his head. “Let me put these in some water and we can talk.”

He placed them on a side table near the entry to the kitchen so they could be seen from the front door. Logan brought Roman to the couch and sat him down before fetching them each a glass of water. They sat in silence for a moment before Roman turned and faced his boyfriend, a solemn look on his face.

“His name was Patton.”

—

It was days. Days of no texts or calls. Days of not answering his door or messages. Logan went from being angered to simply worried, wondering what had happened to his boyfriend. They were doing so well! Logan couldn’t recall anything he could have said or done to upset Roman. The man seemed a bit spacey lately but reassured Logan everything was okay before his sudden silence.

He promised he would give him his space and not pressure the man, but the sudden silence for almost a week was enough. Logan was worried, he couldn’t even focus at work and he checked his phone more now that he wasn’t getting responses. He had a spare key to Roman’s apartment that he swore he would only use in emergencies, but the possible safety and well being of someone he cared for deeply was enough for him.

He had some crackers and water bottles with him as he made his way into the darkened apartment. Looking around, everything was exactly as it normally was. A few dirty dishes were soaking in the tiny sink, the place looked hastily cleaned up as if Roman was distracted halfway through cleaning. The apartment, frankly, stunk. Logan was sure the trash had been sitting there for days, festering as the pungent smell invaded his nose.

Logan looked around and found the place empty. He called out and frowned at the lack of response before heading to the bathroom and bedroom down the hall. The bathroom was empty and seemingly untouched and Roman’s bedroom door was cracked open slightly. He pushed it open and peered inside, finding a lump of blankets sitting on the bed.

“Roman?” The bundle moved and Logan let out a sigh of relief. “Roman, you’ve had me worried! You haven’t answered me in days!” He walked into the room and noticed the greasy bed head peeking out from the blankets. “Are you alright? I brought water and crackers in case you were famished. I also have some antibiotics in case you’re sick.”

“Why are you here?” Roman’s voice was soft but worn as if he had screamed at the top of his lungs until his throat was sore.

“I’m here because I’m worried and I care about you.” Roman pulled into himself more as Logan walked closer. “Please, talk to me. What’s happened?”

“I can’t… Lo, I can’t anymore, I’m sorry. I’m not… I’m not ready.”

“Hey,” Logan kneeled next to the bed and tugged at the blankets, seeing Roman’s face for the first time in days. The bags under his eyes looked almost painted on and he looked as if he hadn’t properly slept since Logan last saw him. His eyes were red, rimmed with tried tear tracks down the side of his face to the pillow. Roman buried his face back in his blankets to hide away but Logan reached forward and ran his hand through Roman’s hair, mentally noting how he probably hadn’t showered in days. “Come on, it’s alright. What aren’t you ready for?”

“You.” Roman sniffled and looked up through the blankets. “I never thought I would meet anyone that could make me so excited for anything again. I’m not ready for that. I’m not…”

“Ah, this is about  _him_ again.” Logan smiled sadly as he scratched his nails along Roman’s scalp. “You said you wanted to try, but you’re not ready to let go yet, are you? I understand.”

“I… I miss him, Lo.” Roman shut his eyes, a tear running down his cheek. “I miss him so much. Why, why did he have to go? Why did he have to leave?”

“Shhh,” Logan pulled out a water bottle and held it up. “Drink this. Then if you’re up for it, I can start a nice, hot shower and we can cuddle on the couch watching Disney movies all night.”

“No, L-logan, you don’t get it. I can’t… I can’t just get over him! It’s been so long but I’m not…”

“I understand. I’m not asking you to forget he existed, Roman. I’m simply asking you to try and indulge in a little self-care. If you could ask Patton what he would want you to do right now, what would he say?” They stared each other down while Roman’s eyes flickered down to the water bottle and back up to meet Logan’s. Roman finally reached out and grabbed the water bottle, earning a smile for his efforts. “You can tell me when you’re ready, Roman. It’s fine. I can wait.”

—

Roman and Patton met in their freshman year of high school. They fit together immediately, best friends since the beginning. They spent every moment together, in and out of school. Patton was there when Roman struggled with their final exams and Roman was there when Patton dealt with his issues he had at home.

When their senior graduation was coming up, they were so excited! They were going to the same college together, their futures intertwined for what seemed to be forever. So it was no surprise when Roman spun Patton around and dipped him at their graduation. Though, everyone was shocked when it was Patton that reached up to kiss Roman first.

They hadn’t even realized that their emotions had been so deep, yet so obvious. It had clicked for Roman one day when they were hanging out and he just knew in his heart that Patton was the one. His soulmate. The man he was going to spend the rest of his life with. To his pleasure, Patton shared his exact sentiments. They fit together perfectly, two halves of a whole. Puzzle pieces fitting together seamlessly.

Things hardly changed for them, dating wasn’t much different other than the kisses and cuddles. One day, Patton bought Roman a red rose because he ‘felt it was right’. They had been dating a month but it had seemed so much longer. Patton would keep buying a red rose for big moments for their relationship. First kisses, first ‘I love you’s first… everything. Then Roman bought a bouquet for their anniversary saying, “It seemed like a red rose moment.” It was their thing, tying important events to the symbol of love. It was a reminder every time it appeared.

A red rose meant “I love you.”

A red rose meant “I trust you.”

A red rose meant “I will never leave you.”

They were just barely in their sophomore year of college when it happened. It wasn’t that late, the sun was still setting. Patton was walking back from the store with some snacks for a late night study session with Roman. He was on the sidewalk. He should have been safe. He was watching where he was going. He was walking back the dorms, to his boyfriend with a smile on his face.

He died instantly on impact. The drunk college students did as well, but that seemed inconsequential to Roman in his mourning.

It wasn’t fair. Why him? Why his Patton?! Why why  _why_ _?!_ They had their forevers to live out! They had it all planned, down to the color of the shudders on the house! Why? Why the kindest soul on the planet? Why his Patton?

Roman placed a single red rose on the casket, the small box in his pocket weighing heavily on him. He could feel it every time he moved. It threatened to bring him to his knees, but Patton wouldn’t want that. He wouldn’t want Roman to fall into a mess for eternity without him, so he struggled on.

He was out of college now. Graduated after a break for a year to mourn. He picked up a few odd jobs before finally getting something worthwhile with his degree, though it seemed pointless. Roman walked through a world that moved on without him while he was stuck. He was still back in his dorm on that night as a sophomore, waiting for Patton to walk in with a smile on his face and a bag of unhealthy snacks in his hand.

Roman was walking through the park, his hand fiddling with the velvet box in his pocket. He stopped at the pond to stare as people moved around, children paying a quarter to get food from the feeders for the ducks. He ran his thumb over the box and sighed, shutting his eyes.

“Patton, tell me. What should I do? I’m walking through life with no purpose now that you’re gone. Please… what is there left for me? Tell me, let me know somehow…”

Roman opened his eyes as he felt the wind pick up, something tapping against his leg. Looking down, he spotted a scally hat that had blown away, lost to the wind. He leaned down and grabbed it before it flew off, dusting it free of leaves and debris.

“Oh thank goodness, thank you!” Roman spotted a man jogging up to him, his face red from running as he tried catching his breath. “That’s my hat, it just suddenly flew off of my head! I’m rather lucky you managed to catch it before it flew into the water.”

“Yeah.” Roman still could feel the box weighing down in his pocket as he smiled, holding up the hat. “Really lucky, huh?” The man reached for the hat and Roman watched him brush back his messy hair. “I’m Roman.”

The stranger adjusted his hat and smiled, reaching out and offering his hand. “Logan.” Roman took his hand in a firm shake. “I must thank you once again, I do appreciate it.”

“Hmm?” Roman smiled as he let go of the man’s hand. “Then perhaps you can pay me back. Coffee?”

It took a moment before Logan’s eyes lit up with recognition, his face flush as he nodded. “Yes, I would quite enjoy that.”


End file.
